oh, the holidays….happiest time of year? or the hardest time of year?
For many, it is filled with adjectives like cozy, yummy, magical, and bright. For others, it can be acute sensations within the body, like a pit in the tummy or an aching in the heart. Often masked as anxiety, but in actuality perhaps some unattended grief “poking the bear at the zoo.”
Have you ever felt this way?
For myself, I found that for many years it was a busy, festive, and very FUN time of year. EXHAUSTING too.
I would often fly home to be with my family in Wisconsin and collapse into detox mode sleeping for the first day and a half. Typically coming off of three solid weeks of mad deadlines, festive work lunches, and wild holiday parties with colleagues, friends, and loved ones. It was a total blast, but really took a toll on my wellbeing.
In recent years this time of year has taken on a whole new meaning.
Some of you who know me know that six years ago my parents died. Both from cancer and ten months apart. It was my first real major loss, outside of my grandparents and it was shocking. Around a similar timeline, I also lost a favorite uncle and one of my best guy friends. It was a devastating “moment in life” to say the least.
Since then, (and with LOTS of help and support…) I’ve done a lot of deep inner work to get myself here. To feel whole and aligned. To feel JOY again. To be grateful for TODAY and this present moment. Dare I say, maybe even grateful for all that I went through six years ago.
Today my grief is ever present as my teacher. It’s on holiday most days. A little itch that needs scratching other days. And sometimes even a little intense at times. In the intense moments, I’ve learned to invite the feelings in. Befriend them. Get curious about them. Accept them and work to let things go that don’t serve anymore.
A couple of years ago, part of my career training came through leading grief groups at Our House, a Los Angeles-based nonprofit grief support center. I am honored to say that I spent multiple holiday seasons co-leading groups and learned from the leadership team there, composed of therapists, psychologists, and social workers. They taught us so much about how to be with others in this difficult time.
The reason, I bring this up is because it was at Our House, where we spent many hours with group members coping with what this time of year brings up for them. Even for bereavement grievers, there is a mixture of highs and lows, joys and sorrows. Much of my experience with these vulnerable souls fueled the inspiration to go for my coaching certification and serve others as they transition through these major life events. Help them figure out who they are now and what is next for them, knowing that loss and grief span beyond bereavement.
Loss of love: divorce, break up, empty nest, bereavement, pets, estrangement
Loss of self: job, addictions, retirement
What will you do this year to take care of YOUR needs?
What about creating a NEW memory for your community, household, or friend group?
Below is a quick video of typical questions I get from clients about how to handle this time of year, plus suggestions for how to respond with self-care.
UPCOMING EVENTS:
Join me every month if you live in Los Angeles. We gather together in support of fun, healing and community. It’s incredible how creative you become when you get into movement with others, while in nature breathing fresh air. We help one another solve all the world’s problems in a single morning. Power in numbers!
Please share with others in your life who you think might benefit from this type of support and stay safe out there.
Sending you hope and peace for the remainder of 2023 and as we bring in 2024.
With love and support,
Melissa
xo
